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I need to vent! I've been the one organizing Thanksgiving this year. We usually have it at my mother-in-law's house - my family and my husband's sister's family. For several years, one or the other of my SIL's children have been at odds with each other and hasn't come to family holidays. This year, they are BOTH at odds with my SIL, and she doesn't want to come because all my family (my kids and their families) will be there and hers won't. So, Mama didn't want to "rub it in" by having it at her house.
OK, I found this out a month ago, and have been cleaning my house to prepare for it. Then (and this is a GOOD thing), Alan's Mom offered for us to have it at her house afterall because it is more spread out, with this covid thing. That was a relief, as I didn't have to finish the deep cleaning that I would have had to do. Mama has this very large Florida room, where we will all be able to be spaced out. My twin friends, Jeannie and Joannie, had said they would NOT come to Thanksgiving, but I offered to put them at a completely separate table. They're afraid to take off their masks (they each wear TWO) even at a separate table (and even though nobody else is sick or has really been around a lot of other people). So, they're still not coming.
Then I find out that my son's wife "doesn't know" if she is going to come and be exposed to everybody. Even though I offered to set up a separate table for THEM, she still didn't know if she was going to come (which means my son wouldn't come either). So, this morning, my son comes up right after I had just woken up and says his wife has agreed to come IF we have Thanksgiving next door at the church, OUTIDE under the bus awning. OUTSIDE -- with 60% chance of rain. OUTSIDE -- where all the food will get cold. OUTSIDE -- where it's been very windy lately, and will probably blow everything off the tables!
I'm pretty fed up with this whole "trying to please everybody" thing, and I personally have NO INTENTION of ruining the meal for EVERYONE just to make it "acceptable" for one person. Nobody's sick. Everyone can wear mask until it's time to start shoveling food into their mouths. Everyone will be 6' apart. There will only be a maximum of NINE people in a room that is 12' x 30' !!!
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 Comments
Thanks, everyone, for all your thoughtful comments! Though you might like to know what we finally decided on. We're going to have Thanksgiving at my mother-in-law's house, in the Florida room; but my son and his wife will be at a separate table in the garage (which is very nice and well kept, and it is attached to the FL room). I was able to persuade everyone to wear masks (even though it was not an easy task). My son and his wife will wear gloves when handling the serving spoons so they don't get anyone else's germs. This came VERY close to being a major ordeal for our family. My greatest desire was for keeping the family together for the holidays, as there is already division on my husband's sister's side of the family and they no longer attend functions. We don't know how many more years we will have my husband's mother with us, and I know how important family and family get-togethers are to her. So, everybody put on their big girl panties and "took the high road" to try to preserve family unity. WHEW! I'm exhausted already.
25 Nov 20 by member: Debbie Cousins
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Another option would be to accept that some people are not coming because we’re in a global pandemic.
Not because they don’t love you or they don’t want to be with family.
You love them. They love you. You all can eat a big meal together again in the future. Thanksgiving is an idea and feeling - not a mandate to be in the same room on a particular day.
We chose to not celebrate with anyone outside of the house this year because we decided not to take any extra risks.
Glad your family found a compromise with the garage that seems to work for you.
25 Nov 20 by member: GibJig
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For anyone thinking covid19 is a hoax:you are not literate on the subject. I would like to speak with you if a family member or close friend is infected. Thanksgiving is a tradition no one wants to forego but look at how many other traditions we have not been able to enjoy this year: graduations, friends at weddings, funerals, visiting family in nursing homes. There are worse things than not having a large family get together. For instance: one of your loved ones coming down with covid19!
25 Nov 20 by member: Lirope
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I'm glad you worked it out Debbie! That's one less stress on you now! Have a happy Thanksgiving!
25 Nov 20 by member: bearnoggin
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Sounds like my 2 and 3 years ago Christmas/es. 2years ago my mom was on her last, my birthday was the 31st of Dec and I turned 50 and she passed on the 1st of Jan. I subsequently don't speak to my sister and other siblings defending her as she took my mom's money while she was ill and did not even see her in hospital and went on leave as she found out about my moms passing... Who does that? Fast forward two years Christmas was at my house. I prepared and shopped and then one family pulled out as one child did not greet another and the entire family was divided. Since then I just don't care about their drama. This year it is at my house. If you arrive great if you don't whatever suit yourself...my day will still be awesome. What I am trying to say it is ok to be selfish sometimes and look after you and your feelings. In the end you have to be your own biggest chearleader
26 Nov 20 by member: Nolimits2020
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Thanksgiving is not a holiday or get together occurrence in South Africa. I can't handle that much family pressure.
26 Nov 20 by member: Nolimits2020
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