Hi FS fam, long time no see! Sorry I have been out of touch. I have very much appreciated your sweet messages on my weigh-in days, Becca, Melissa, TroutyMac, JP, KBuck, Eat less and others.
Warning! I think this may be my longest post, ever.
Wow, the summer has flown by, and I have been trying to think of how to describe succinctly. Basically, I have been having my third midlife crisis, and in the best way possible. I feel like time is a spiral, and I am getting to relive my 20s again with the wisdom of an old hag 😁. I am glad I happened to catch DP's post about asking for a demotion to reduce stress. The main downside is I have been stuck at 187 the whole summer.
I got bullied out of my (otherwise successful???) job 3 years ago, and between unemployment, severance and savings, I just opted out wholly. (Caveat: This is NOT a sound or recommended financial planning strategy, but my parents have passed, I don't have kids or a husband, the bills got paid and the pets got fed, and for the first time in my life I feel like it is my life to do what I please.) For 30 years, I worked myself literally almost to death, and for what?
Until 2018, my whole life I measured my worth in terms of my career and marketable skills. The past 3 years has been SO FREAKING AWESOME in getting to know myself, and who I am and what I like when there isn't some pay or self-worth attached to it. When there is no agenda.
And what I learned is what you all already know, ha ha: Turns out I love my pets, I have become a cat person again. I tried gardening for the first time. I love home reno and decorating, and we are closing in on finishing my UTTERLY FABULOUS KITCHEN. I have started enjoying music again. I am obsessed with reality TV and associated podcasts. And of course I love cooking and eating.
I know I have mentioned it before, but I am still down 40#, and I have been off my BP meds for three years. It could be the weight loss, but I think it is the incredible reduction in stress. Even with the shit show that was 2020.
Well this summer the money ran out, as it always does. Everyone, Including me, assumed I would do consulting when the time came. And I am blessed that several friends/former colleagues have paid projects they want me to work on with them, so I still can. But, even though my bank account is alerting me the time is near, and the old me would be panicking, I just haven't been able to get interested in any of my writing.
So earlier in the summer I got a pt job with a food truck/caterer and then I got a better job as a line cook at a microbrewery, and I love it. It is about half what I used to make and it is physically exhausting, but there are no meetings, no politics, I never have to struggle into pantyhose or find something to wear, and the job requires minimal social skills. And personally, I think working the line is badass (a term I literally never thought would be in a sentence about me). The best part is I leave it ALL there when I punch out. It won't cover the bills, but it is a LOT more than nothing and goes a long way toward staunching the money hemmhorage. My roommate has been kicking in a chunk too, which is really awesome.
The place basically serves really good bar food. We make most of it from scratch. Burgers, nachos, carnitas, coney dogs like that. Just a whole line full of Jen's kryptonite. And you can have a free shift meal and beer. So I have been trying to make it work with fasting and CICO, but so far it is a battle every day because I love the food and it is so readily available. Do they have salads and veggies as options? Yes, but tater tots.
But my motto has been I am going to have to crawl before I can walk. Getting back into a workplace of any kind has taken some bravery on my part, I am not gonna lie. So I have been struggling to be more disciplined with the food and exercise. But honestly I feel like even though every day this summer I lose the battle, I still hope to win the war!
Thanks for letting me share. I have checked in really sporadically, I hope you all are well!
